The title of this post says it all really.
I am feeling very flat and empty at the moment. Nothing serious, I will get over it. Chin up and soldier on and all that. See that is the problem with me. I am an action person. I see a problem and I solve it. I deal with things and I cope.
I am also a great friend. I listen and I listen and I give support and advice and I laugh with them and cry for them, I worry about them and I spend a lot of time thinking about how I can help them with their problems in order to get them happy again.
I do this also with my partner and with my kids.
When I am at work I do this for the staff and for the kids I teach.
It's crazy!!
I am pretty much in deficit emotionally at the moment. Too many withdrawals and not enough deposits. I'm feeling really jaded about doing all of the above and getting stuff all in return from some of them. A lot of the problem is my own fault. I very rarely ever show my underbelly. I don't often ask for help. I am fiercely independent and stubborn but also resourceful in a good way. I solve my own problems. So, friends wouldn't in fact know that I needed support unless I straight out said, for example "I am a bit sad about xyz".
I did this the other day and got something else entirely in return. Normally I would switch modes and say "Oh really tell me all about that" and listen and support and blah blah blah, but this time I bit down on it. Hard. I was so pissed off. Once I got over that I was left feeling very flat and empty. Who supports me??? When's my turn to sit and have a whinge and have someone listen and solve my problems for me??
Pffft! See. Here's the thing. I can't stand doing that. This whole post is not something that I like to do and I will wish that I didn't do it and try to delete it tomorrow.
But, there is a side of me that is starting to rebel and say "No, hold on a minute! Stuff it! You have a whinge and a cry! Bugger what anyone else thinks!"
So I will leave it there and see what happens. Feel better already.
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Know exactly what you mean! There is nothing worse when you feel like you have let yourself show even a slightly vulnerable side only to get nothing in return.
ReplyDeleteSuch a let down. Hope you're back on top of things soon. It's hard with two little people to constantly care for so take care of yourself and maybe take a bit of time out?
I have done that over the weekend and it has surprised me with how good it has made me feel. : )
Thanks Tanya! I'm feeling better about it now but still a little hurt. Moving onwards and upwards. There's a saying...all you get from looking back is a crick neck! LOL This situation's not worth getting a sore neck over. Had a little dinner party tonight and had a lovely time :)
ReplyDeleteOoops nearly 3 months later..... here's my 2c (sorry luv! I totally missed this, I got out of the habit of checking in on ya here!).
ReplyDeleteIt's vital to do this. I had a big wake-up/shake-up on this very thing several years ago. When it was in a time where I simply could not give the energy back out, I suddenly realised there were people all around me who didn't give a thing back. It smarted. But there wasn't much to do but begin stating my own truths and standing by my needs (although for me that didn't mean stating them ;).
Very awesome huge step to have even left this post here. Truly is! I hope you've been practicing standing by knowing what you need and not giving out so much of your vital energy to others if it leaves you in deficit. In the long run, that won't serve anybody well. xox