In the red and running on empty!

The title of this post says it all really.

I am feeling very flat and empty at the moment. Nothing serious, I will get over it. Chin up and soldier on and all that. See that is the problem with me. I am an action person. I see a problem and I solve it. I deal with things and I cope.

I am also a great friend. I listen and I listen and I give support and advice and I laugh with them and cry for them, I worry about them and I spend a lot of time thinking about how I can help them with their problems in order to get them happy again.

I do this also with my partner and with my kids.

When I am at work I do this for the staff and for the kids I teach.

It's crazy!!

I am pretty much in deficit emotionally at the moment. Too many withdrawals and not enough deposits. I'm feeling really jaded about doing all of the above and getting stuff all in return from some of them. A lot of the problem is my own fault. I very rarely ever show my underbelly. I don't often ask for help. I am fiercely independent and stubborn but also resourceful in a good way. I solve my own problems. So, friends wouldn't in fact know that I needed support unless I straight out said, for example "I am a bit sad about xyz".

I did this the other day and got something else entirely in return. Normally I would switch modes and say "Oh really tell me all about that" and listen and support and blah blah blah, but this time I bit down on it. Hard. I was so pissed off. Once I got over that I was left feeling very flat and empty. Who supports me??? When's my turn to sit and have a whinge and have someone listen and solve my problems for me??

Pffft! See. Here's the thing. I can't stand doing that. This whole post is not something that I like to do and I will wish that I didn't do it and try to delete it tomorrow.

But, there is a side of me that is starting to rebel and say "No, hold on a minute! Stuff it! You have a whinge and a cry! Bugger what anyone else thinks!"

So I will leave it there and see what happens. Feel better already.

Going for green!

We have spent the last week getting a garden bed started out the back in our very bare and boring yard. It's been so long coming due to many circumstances - primarily money and climate. We are on Level 5 water restrictions which means no watering systems to be used, no hoses, only bucketing and watering cans. We have kept the garden out the front alive and thriving using bucketed bath water.

Don't let the "cool climate" tag for Orange fool you - it's cold AND dry here! We have been planting drought tolerant plants like flax, protea, irises, aggies, silverbush etc. My one consolation is a dogwood and a magnolia tree.

So, out the back we are going to have most of it done in mulched native garden and only one small area of grass. We hope that will be enough for our two girls to play on. Besides, we are very close to the Botanic Gardens and other green parklands. Below is a picture of the area that will eventually be grassed. We will probably seed it next year - or we may bite the bullet and turf it. Depends on the weather and how the water restrictions go.

Below are photos showing the first of our backyard garden beds. The whole lot of the yard apart from the grassed area and some pebbled paths will be mulched and planted out with natives.
Below is a gorgeous white protea I just had to have - we have to wait for it to stop flowering before we can plant it. It will eventually grow quite large (hopefully)

I look forward to the day when our backyard is shady and a little haven for native birds and the occasional lizard. Our aim is to create something that is welcoming, low maintenance and drought friendly. We estimate it will take us a good 5 years to get there and even longer for tress to get up but, we'll get there. The big question is will we still be in the house to see the garden at it's best? By then we could have outgrown the house and moved on, or may have followed work to another town, who knows.